Item:Slightly skewed song scroll

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slightly skewed song scroll
Look: This is a Bardic scroll, enscribed with the non-magical Bard song "Itharr's Song". It must be studied to be used. If it is being read by another, no one but that person can study it.
Weight: 5 stones
Metal: Unknown
Appraised Cost: 1,000 Kronars800 Lirums <br />721.6 Dokoras <br />1 LTBpoints <br />1 Tickets <br />1 Scrips <br />
Properties:
  • This item is styled or has special functions for Bards.
Dimensions: ? length x ? width x ? height
Sources: Sold by Barley Bulrush's Bardic Ballads for 1,000 Kronars
Source is Barley Bulrush's Bardic Ballads

Song

You begin to sing "Itharr's Song", by Joy Chanticleer.

"It was a last minute invitation
I didn't know what Rock Trolls were.
So when Itharr told me that I'd have a good time,
Well of course -- I said 'Sure'!"
"At first I was careful and cautious (really!)
But then he was hit -- now he's stunned, (oops!)
So I decided it's up to me to save his hide --
Omigawd ... what have I done?"
"What was I thinking?
How can this be?
It just tossed a rock that I think may be bigger'n me!"
"What was I thinking?
Which way is home?
Do you think my goddess is looking, cause I'm on the ground."
"Well you all know I'm somewhat impulsive,
And sometimes I am slow to learn.
So when Itharr told me Wind Hounds weren't too hard,
Well, the hunt I'd not spurn!"
"As always I held back and was prudent (sure)
A model of valor and might. (uh huh)
But I never did pass kindergarten
And I can't tell my left from my right!"
"What was I thinking?
Who is this guy
With lightning around him, hitting me -- I'm going to die."
"What was I thinking?
(You can't hit with your shield?!)
Do you think I can convince this guy that he ought to yield?"
You smile ruefully, saying, "Let me assure you, this is NOT the recommended way to try to deal with a faenrae reaver!"
"Oh Hodierna, my favorite deity,
We've got to stop meeting like this.
You see Itharr told me that I'd like crocodiles,
And, well, my brain...I've never missed!"
"We went in and I saw these big lizards, (Wheee!)
And I figured I could handle them. (honest)
So there I was, swinging my ol' battle axe
When the croc shed a tear, and then...blam!"
"What was I thinking?
Can I try that again?
I'm sure that someone's done dumber things, I just don't know when."
"What was I thinking?
Ack, I'm starting to leak?
It's dreadfully messy inside me, I don't wanna peek."
"I'd never seen a Beisswurm
Nor a Cave Bear, so Itharr took me.
But somehow I fell over when I swung my sword
A dread monster -- called 'Fatigue'!"
"So I looked into my backpack and I found
Six chests, one trunk, four coffers, that's it.
Well, unless you count that suit of chainmail --
Tell me where I got all of this...stuff?"
"What was I thinking?
What was I, blind?
When I picked all this up I must have been out of my mind."
"What was I thinking?
Where'd I get this junk?
I have never...hardly ever...right now, I'm not drunk!"

You dissolve into giggling, ending the song.

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